The whole "no blogging for months" thing

Hey guys! I know I haven't blogged in a while but things have been pretty hectic in my life. I don't know if I will be able to post as frequently as I would want to but I will try my best. Things in my life have been on a continuous downward spiral but I try to stay positive (easier said than done). Anyway, i might be posting some blogs in the near future. My hope is that for 2015 I will blog and write a lot more. Only time will tell. Anyway, to all you guys (all 3 or 4 of you) I will try to write more in the future!

My life...

You know how much it sucks not to be normal? Not to be happy? I don't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy about something. My life is just a jumbled up mess. I don't want to keep seeing special doctors about my migraines or keep seeing a psychiatrist or keep seeing a therapist because I just want to be NORMAL. That's too much to ask. I don't want to deal with this crap anymore. I can't handle the questions. What's wrong? Why do you do this to yourself? Why can't you be normal? I don't like the names some people call me. I don't want to be the "freak" or the  "emo girl" or anything. I don't want these things to define who I am but it seems like that isn't really in my control. I write to express myself, but when people read my writing, the usual response is "that is really depressing". Welcome to my life. Depression is my life. I live it and I hate it, but its not something that you can turn on and off. I can't just stop all my problems because its not a fad or attention seeking. I am genuinely messed up in the head. I can't even begin to list the worst of my problems because I am scared that more people than necessary would find out and start a whole different trail of problems. Most of the time I regret telling my parents because they treat me different and they are constantly worried about me. I hope to God they haven't told anyone else in the family. I'm just a burden to everyone I meet...

#80: Last blog!:):

The last blog!! It’s a bittersweet moment. I have enjoyed blogging, but with all my other work it always ends up being put at the bottom of the list and then I don’t get to do it until a few days before its due. It is never that much of a hassle though because I love to write, its just finding something to write about that I can make fit in the harmony and philosophy of NRCA (I don’t even think that writing about unicorns would be in the harmony and philosophy because its “magic” or whatever). I don’t even know if all of these will be read or not but I gotta be safe, just in case. I only have two followers so its not like everyone is going to be reading my blogs anyway. It seems like this whole year lasted longer than necessary. It seems to be dragging on forever and tomorrow does not feel like the last day of school. It really doesn’t. Most of my friends are already out of school but I am still stuck in school for one full day and then exams and then four days of marching band and the SAT and ACT and then I will be free from school. Ugh, the struggle.

#79: Disney plot and Maleficent

The new Maleficent movie is absolutely amazing!!! I love the storyline and how (spoiler alert) she is the hero and the bad guy. Angelina Jolie was perfect as Maleficent and Elle Fanning was a good Aurora. Disney has been remaking a lot of their princess movies and a lot of them have been contradicting the earlier rendition of it. Disney had already messed with the original story of the princesses back when they first came out with the animated Cinderella followed by the other princesses, but now they have tweaked it even more. I find it kind of funny. I also find it funny that in their recent new princess movie Frozen they contradicted everything they have ever based their movies off. By bringing up the fact that a girl (Ana) can’t marry a man that she just met (Hans), Disney completely contradicted themselves. Disney basically has one plotline: Estranged, orphaned, or rebellious princess meets a guy. She finds out that this guy is a prince. She decides that it was love at first sight. Princess then decides to marry the guy she just met (her parents having little to no say in it). That is 90% of all animated Disney movies. Tell me if I am wrong.

#78: Books, books, and more books

I have too many books. Ok, maybe not too many books, but not enough space for my books. I have books everywhere. Well, my whole family does. I have two bookcases filled with books in my lounge, I have books in and on top of my file cabinet, inside my purple storage container/ ataman, inside my window seat, filling up half of my closet, and books cover my desk in my room and the hanging bookshelf I have. We keep books in the movie room and in the kitchen and in the family room. We have a library/music room with 3 tall bookcases in it, but those are full so we just started stacking the books on the floor next to the bookcases. My parents have books overflowing in their rooms too. We even have books in the storage closet. Our house may sound cluttered, but honestly it’s not. We just have the books strategically placed so that our house is still neat and orderly but hiding the chaos of our book collection. The thing is, we have read almost all of the books we own, but we always read books multiple times. Maybe we are just weird but we like to read things over again. Who knows? 

#77: Childhood shows...

I miss the old Disney channel and the old Cartoon Network and the old Nickelodeon.  The new shows that they have are not the worse thing that could happen to the channel. Some of them are actually pretty good, but they still aren’t the old shows. I mean those shows were my childhood! They cancelled the Kids Next Door, Totally Spies, That’s So Raven, and a lot of other shows too. Some of the shows they replaced them with are really bad. I mean really bad. I have only seen a few episodes of them, but that was enough for me to see what the show was like. I don’t even remember the name of it but I do remember that it was on Disney channel and it was basically like a sitcom but for kids, and had really bad jokes. They were probably purposeful bad jokes, but that just made the show even worse. Maybe I’m just too biased because I am too nostalgic for the good old times. At least some of the old shows are on Netflix which is good, but the ones that aren’t on Netflix I miss even more because I can’t watch them. Its actually kind of frustrating.

#76: College and things

So this whole college application thing is starting to freak me out. I mean I am gonna be a senior this year and that means applying for colleges, which means I have no clue what I am doing. The guidance counselor at school does an ok job at explaining things but she can be really disorganized and as a person who hates disorganization, I can’t stand to be trying to talk or listen to her. It gets on my ever lasting nerves. I know that she is trying to help, but personally I think she needs to be better organized for the job she has been assigned (although she does probably have a billion other things to do). I will just have to wing it on the whole college application thing. I know I need to get recommendations and stuff and do the college essays…These first few months of the school year next year is going to be so hectic. I guess I have to try to fit all this other stuff into my schedule over the summer…Is my summer even going to be a summer or is it just going to be me doing various things that are related to school? 

             

#75: Marching band rant (part 3)

All the rising seniors and some of the other high schoolers had the idea of doing a super hero show. We had all the music picked out and talked to our composer and she said that she could make it work for our size band. We planned out the order of the songs, what the guard costumes and flags would look like (well, that was mainly the guard captain but we tried to help her out) and what the props would look like. Our band director had said we could bring the idea to him and so we did and from the way he was “listening” to us I could tell the idea was going to fail. He didn’t seem to be paying much attention to us. Maybe he had is mind already set on doing the “Painted Life” show. Who knows? All I know is that most of us who were involved in planning the super hero show really don’t want to do this show (and we aren’t the only ones). I am going to try to make the most of it and hopefully my senior year in marching band won’t suck because of the music and show choice, but if it does, I am going to be one very mad senior.