#47: Summer

Summer needs to come…right now. I have had enough of school. I am ready for vacation and the beach and family trips to who knows where. I want to go home and just jump in my pool and forget all about everything school related (except the friend people. I like most of my friend people. Most of them.) and enjoy my summer before senior year. I hope senior year is better than junior has been. Junior year has been terrible. Just terrible. There is no way that senior year can be this bad (and I probably just jinxed myself…good job self). Marching band starts in one day, and as woodwind captain I am somewhat excited about that, yet I am also little stressed about it because we are going to have so many new marchers and so much to teach them in so little time. We will only have 4 home games this year and the same three competitions but I am determined to make this marching season a good one for my senior year. Speaking of marching band, that's going to eat up two and a half weeks of my summer…yay.

#46: Bible class :(

I know this sounds totally wrong, but every time I walk into Bible class I want to cry. Not because I am upset or über sad, but because I know that that class will bore me to death. It's not that I don't love learning about Jesus and God and the Bible, but I am not learning anything in this class. I mean what even is Biblical Hermeneutics anyway?? I don't even know and I have been in the class since August!  Our teacher ( I am refraining from using his name because I don't think that that would be appropriate for this blog) is not good at teaching…at all. I have nothing against him personally, but he is a terrible teacher. It sounds like I'm listening to a robot voice read out of the phonebook as I watch the paint dry on the wall. It bores me to tears every time. I miss my Bible class from last year where I looked forward to going to that class because I loved the atmosphere. And the teacher I absolutely adored, as a teacher and a person. This year in Bible class, dare I say it, has been totally boring. I swear, time slows down in that class. I think I have aged a few years since the beginning of the school year because of that class...

#45: Perks of Being a Wallflower- (attempt at fanfic)

Dear friend,
              It's been a while since I have written to you. I'm only now writing because Sam and Patrick are coming home today for the summer. They said that they would visit during the school year, but they never did. Sam was always busy with school work and Patrick could never get a ride home from Seattle. We did get to talk to each other over the phone. They were there when things got bad again, and it made me feel better, but every time I hung up the phone there was a sense of longing and emptiness I felt inside. I'm glad they are coming home today though. We have already decided that the first thing we are going to do is go to King's and talk about all that has happened during my sophomore year in high school and their freshman year in college. Sophomore year wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Mr. Anderson still gave me books to read and write papers on. Bob is still the same. He has a girlfriend now. She is a waitress at the Olive Garden ( the one he kept trying to go out with). I'm still single. I don't mind though. I still have Sam and Patrick to keep me company over the phone. As long as I have them, everything will be ok.
                                                                                                                   Love always,
                                                                                                                                 Charlie

#44: Broken

A wounded bird,
A broken wing,
Inside her chest,
Her heart still bleeds,
It bleeds for the love,
The love she tries to find
To fil the desperate longing,
A longing she  tries to hide.
Though she tries and tries
With al her might to hide,
The scars written on her body,
Tell the story on the inside.
Inside, her mind races,
Thoughts flowing in and out,
She tries to suppress them,
Yet they still linger about,
The longer they linger,
The higher the pain,
And with a pain so high,
And a heart so full
Of sorrow and anger,
Her heart just shatters
With the slightest touch of a finger
She's broken inside and out,
But she glues herself together
So that everything seems fine,
But it never is, not ever.
A broken bird,
A broken wing,
She screams out loud
Yet no one hears anything,
Her beak taps against
The separating piece of glass.
She relentlessly taps
Yet fails to make a crack.
Her head lays against,
The cool slate of glass,
As she slowly slides down,
Surrendering her strength,
She finds peace, at last,
When a hand cradles her.
The broken bird,
Her broken wing,
Still a little damaged,
But bandaged and cleaned.

#43: Marching Band Camp

Ah, marching band. Whose scorching hot 10 hour practice days are full of some what annoying middle schoolers, trying to show off. Whose water breaks seem only enough to wet the tongue. Whose performances used to fill my heart with overwhelming enjoyment-where did you go? It's not that the new marching band is bad, it's just too different. After Mr. Burk left (and I'm still a bit bitter about that), everything changed. Mr. Barley is nice and I have nothing against him personally, but he is no Mr. Burk. In my personal opinion, I do not think that marching band is the best fit for Mr. Barley right now. He is working so many other jobs I feel like the stress might overwhelm him ( and has). Maybe I'm just finding excuses because I'm too nostalgic for the old marching band…who knows. I still enjoy marching band, it just breaks my heart that our band director doesn't listen to his leadership that he put in place to help him. Kind of like the government. I may just be seeing things differently since I have been in leadership this past year of marching band and this coming year. The whole atmosphere is different now that Mr. Barley is in charge of the band…It is a good different in some aspects, but there are still some things that I have to get used to. Hopefully in my last year of high school marching band, things will be better. Considering that some things are not going in the favor of the rising seniors ( and marching band hasn't started yet), there is no telling what could happen in this four game season.

#42: A walk into oblivion

 It was mid-March and the water was frigid. Despite the shining sun, the wind blew as though a storm was coming. As the waves crashed against the shore, Drake thought about what he was going to do. He slowly took another step deeper into the ocean, his teeth chattering from the cold water and relentless wind. No matter how much he willed it otherwise, a few tears fell down his face as he wadded, now waist deep, in the water. He heard yelling on the shore and turned to see people he knew, shouting his name from the beach. He ignored them and turned back around. He had chosen this place because no one came there and it gave him plenty of privacy. He kept going further in until the water was up to his chin. Drake didn't try to stop the tears now, and they flowed steadily down his cheeks. He let himself slip under the water. He took a deep gulp of water and let it fill his lungs. Pain resonated through his body for a few moments, then there  was a slight burning sensation, and, at last, there was nothing but sweet, sweet oblivion.

#41: Spring Break-Come and Gone :(

I miss spring break. I really do. It was so nice having a week off from school and from people (sort of). As an introvert, I go to school everyday and am most of the time annoyed with the presence of other people. I am anti social and love to be alone with a book or Netflix…something other than people. People are mean and people are annoying. Anyway, back to spring break. I visited a few college over spring break, which was fun, but I really wanted to spend my spring break with some time to myself (but I didn't get any). I didn't have to do a lot of homework which was good, but now I have so much work to do, both school related and non school related, that I am literally having anxiety attacks twice a week because I am so stressed with everything. I can not wait for school to be over. I hate that place. Only one more year and then I am leaving and probably never coming back to visit unless I lose a bet. And maybe not even then. Junior year has really been a downer. Having been out half the year didn't help either. I know everyone says that junior year is tough, but at "the academy", junior year is like hell week, only longer...